And the mother of the year award goes to………

Today is a day I just feel broken.

 

Not long ago, my oldest child expressed to me he didn’t want to speak to me and hasn’t in a few months. There are days this fact just weighs heavily on me.  I can’t control his actions, or his opinions. Not only does physical pain wreck my body but this emotional pain stings more fiercely and deeply. It’s a very reminiscent of how I treated my dad at that age though.

When I was 18, I packed every possession I cared about in my car, and intended to pull out of the driveway never seeing my parents again.  They fiercely objected to my engagement. I went awhile without speaking to my parents, but they came to the wedding. I can’t imagine the helplessness they felt because I feel it now.

I’m in a situation I can’t control and I just feel heartbroken that I can’t hear my son’s voice or hear about how things are going for him. I seem to spiral in this guilt of wondering what I did wrong, what I could of done differently and how I can prevent a situation like this with my other children.

I still text him daily, I don’t get a response, but I’d like to keep hoping that someday I will.

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2 Replies to “And the mother of the year award goes to………”

  1. As long as I have known you I can only say that I know you are a great mom. I have seen you rise from the depths just to make sure the family was and came first. All we can do as parents is give them love and knowledge and know that our children are on their own Journey through life. Just be there when he or she comes knocking. I have recently had this situation with some family members and I am always open but just silently wait. It is their Journey, not mine. Does it hurt? Yes it does but I also know that I am at choice to either allow this to destroy me or to strenghten me. Man the gifts and lessons are plentiful. I love you Susan and am always here even if it is just a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen. You are a great Mom! Don’t ever forget who you are. I am a ……………………………… ~Peace~

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